Why Must I Walk Through This Wilderness? I Just Want to Go Home!

Wolfgang Staudt at Albumarium.com


“Why, Father in Heaven, must I stay in this earthly realm, when my heart, my husband, has moved away to Heaven?”  This was my sincere cry, in the many days when everyone else’s sun seemed to be shining, yet my night just dragged on and on.  Finally, I was quiet enough to hear Holy Spirit answer.

He led me to Deuteronomy in the Word,  where LORD God was telling the nation of Israel why they had wandered in the desert for 40 years, rather than taking a straight path to the Promised Land.

“And you shall remember that the LORD your God led you all the way these forty years in the wilderness, to humble you and test you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not.  So He humbled you, allowed you to hunger and fed you with manna which you did not know nor did your fathers know, that He might make you know that man shall not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word that proceeds from the mouth of the LORD.” Deuteronomy 8:2,3 NKJV

Holy Spirit further explained that this humbling, testing, learning to live solely by Presence of the Bread which came down from Heaven (John 6:51) was in the Plan.  It was a road that God had laid out  before the world began, knowing that my beloved husband would be going home without me.  He assured me that not only is there still more of a path of Kingdom service for me in my present earthly body, but there is still more preparation to be done for my place in the Kingdom soon to come.

What has seemed completely out of The Plan for my life, BEFORE, now began to make sense.  You see, after my husband died, I moved back to my home town.  Not only that, I moved IN WITH one of my children and family!  That seemed sooooo Walton’s!  Definitely nothing I had EVER dreamed of doing, and yet, here I am!?!  So, on top of the scripture revelation, God instructed me to speak a prayer from the Book of Psalm.

Moreover, He has insisted that I write the prayer in my journal and highlight in florescent green, this notation at the end, “This is why I am still here!”, Periodically, Holy Spirit sends me back into my journal to  pray this prayer, again.

The title for this prayer is “Not Until This Next Generation Hears”.

“Oh God, You have taught me from my youth: And to this day, I declare Your wondrous works.  Now also when I am old and grayheaded, O God, do not forsake me, Until I declare Your strength to this generation, Your power to everyone who is to come.” Psalm 71:17,18 NKJV

Yes, indeed, I am now “old and (a little bit) grayheaded”!   I have children, grandchildren, in-laws, temporary relations, neighbors, etc.  So, I must have works left to reveal and testimony yet to tell!  There must be more foundation to lay before my task is finished.  Lord, let me do it well, and not tarry!  THEN, I can go home!

Answers, Reasons, Purpose

Truly, my Heavenly Father has faithfully given me answers to some questions that were not asked in any remotely adult manner, but rather, I wailed and whined as a child would do.  Still, He has been gentle, kindly listening, and leading me to an increasing place of reason and purpose.

I still haven’t caught a clear vision for an extended future, but I know that this may come, with time.  Resting in His Presence, falling in love with His person, and being confident that there is a reason and a Plan, is enough for today.

To The One Who Resides Outside of Time, who sets my feet on the road I dimly see,  thank you, LORD, for your patient smile and outstretched hand.

AniLo (I am His)

2 thoughts on “Why Must I Walk Through This Wilderness? I Just Want to Go Home!”

  1. You could definitely see your expertise within the article you write.
    The world hopes for more passionate writers like you who
    are not afraid to mention how they believe. Always follow
    your heart.

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